by the way, this is instead of therapy. the motivation behind the blogging is this: i've acquired a lot of friends by repulsive means. something about my personality causes me to cater behind an agreeable smile to folks all day long. if you're a friend of mine, at some point or another, i've played you. i'm watching your face... reading the lines beside your eyes and the fissures of your mouth... i recognize when your gaze dulls and when your attention shifts... and i play to the audience. i'm convinced i can earn friendship through compromise. blogging may be my honest attempt (i'm mustering honesty here), to take a small step toward coming clean. to posit what i believe, and to do so unapologetically. it comes with serious apprehension, and i hope to goodness that it will lead in a direction that's not entirely self-centered.
self-centeredness seems to be the density that draws me away from God, and no doubt the root of the "playing to the audience" bit. i like the way Jesus Christ says it: "i do not accept praise from men, but i know you. i know that you do not have the love of God in your hearts. i have come in my Father's name, and you do not accept me; but if someone else comes in his own name, you will accept him. how can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?" (john five something). and as if that weren't convincing, "woe to you when all men speak well of you, for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets" (luke six).
thank you, kevin.
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3 comments:
...so glad to be privy to these attempts at honesty. May they lead you (and your readers) closer to Christ and further from self.
Thank you for this. I needed the encouragement from someone attempting the same daunting task I'm attempting.
okay, just checking this out -finally-
let me get this straight, Jackson: you feel guilty because you're nice to people? I like the blog idea, and I had never seen Nolan Kelley's art, much less his website. The pictures of the family, and especially Julia, are nice, and way-to-go Lance!
But I sure don't get this original post and your reason for starting this. We've joked before about the wwjd bracelets and how they confused ACU girls, and I've told you that emulating you is a far more attainable goal, so I'm very curious as to this post, and starting this blog as an alternative to therapy.
What I get from it is that you feel guilty for being nice to people and trying to be a friend to those that you don't necessarily like, because you've been deceiving them. Huh?!
Feel guilty about procrastinating something you shouldn't, finding humor in something you shouldn't, having a lusty thought you shouldn't, not giving a full 10%, worrying too much, making up a little white lie to make someone feel better about the fact that you don't really want to honor an invitation, or even breaking a traffic law you shouldn't-see Romans 13:1. (to name just a few common sins I'm sure guilty of many times over) But don't feel guilty for putting on a show and making people think you like them when you might not be completely sincere. If that's your greatest flaw, the well, you're a better man than I.
Not sure if you'll see this, because I'm not registered, but this is Justin Brown.
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